The Moleskine

So I haven't been the best blogger. I haven't even been the "kinda okay" blogger, either. This past fall I really fell back into documenting my life between the two black leather covers of my dear Moleskins. The fall semester was a monster, and I literally spent every waking spare minute I could studying. The fruits of my labor yielded in a glimmering 4.0 GPA, but my writing took a more private audience.

With a 6 week break between fall and spring semesters, I have a renewed sense of rest and TIME on my hands, so I thought I would start posting once again. I was tempted to start a completely new blog, but this one has some history. I have 2 others, and the former was started in 2001. For some reason I am unable to access that one...something I need to throw some more energy into locating.

News

-I applied to the highly competitive B.S.N. nursing program here in Colorado, and am eagerly awaiting a response that should arrive in March.

-We bought a house, and closed in October. We're still unpacking.

-I turned 27.

-I am back on the work-out train, after this summer/fall yielded some poundage accrual.

-My status as a domestic goddess has increased, due to the fact that I now own Fine Bone China. Who knew I'd be hunting for tablecloths as if it were my destiny?

Summer

I look at my last post from April, and that time comes flooding back; the memories, feelings, and stress of that time. My Grandfather passed away on May 6th. As I write this last sentence, I feel the water rush to my tear ducts, my throat tightens, my mouth gets a rush of saliva, and I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest.

Fast forward to today...the funeral has passed, a spring and summer semester has come to an end. I am sitting in Stella's right now, and I can look through the back window of the shop to see my Grandfather's Wrangler in the back parking lot.

At this point in time I don't feel like writing about the experience just yet. I have journaled privately about the spring...there is going to be a time and place.

On my 3rd day of freedom, I am going to give a quick visit to my parent's at their mobile clinic before my dentist appointment. Tonight we're going to look at a few houses...we'll see what happens! One of them is officially in foreclosure; we stopped by it yesterday to give it a look-see, and there may be some structural issues. However, the house is about 100k under-priced. The interior is in huge need of some updating, but could be an adventure aside from the fact that it is in total suburbia.

3 weeks

3 weeks left of school. So much homework. Don't know how I can do it all, but I know I will make it happen. Death is hanging near...I have no idea how to deal with it. I don't have the words. What do you say? Seeing the transition we all will go through is painful. A snapshot of the future right here and now. I just wish I could hold the ones close to me closer and never have to let go. 

Snow

I was literally stuck in the Fargo-esque elements of this spring time blizzard today for an hour and a half waiting for the 40. It is amazing how our basic human needs come front and center when something is missing from the equation, i.e. SHELTER. 

Spring Break (HA) is nearly over, and I haven't touched homework...save for reading Utopia. I am hoping dearly for a snow day tomorrow. I want to sleep in and watch some ANTM reruns; I may possibly entertain the thought of starting on some homework before the weekend officially arrives. The Sanfords are here to support Grandad in his fight for wellness, so it has made for a busy schedule...trying to pack everything in when days seem to pass in moments. 

Snagged a glorious nap this afternoon that would have EASILY turned into an entire night's sleep if Duane had not stirred me from it. I would certainly say I could have easily slept through the rest of the night with no problem.

Anywho...I'm off to bed after completing the pre-bedtime beauty rituals. Ugh! If only I could simply go to bed and get ready for the day within a few minutes or a half hour's time. I absolutely loathe the time it takes to complete these routines. Perhaps I could shave my head and go without makeup...it would certainly speed things along.

Waking Up is the Hardest Part

Today is a study day and, remarkably, the first day in almost 3 weeks that I have felt better. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I woke up without wanting to hack up a lung--which is a huge improvment. 

Heading out now to Pablos to study...I can't study in the house at this point...too many distractions (i.e. writing this blog post--shame!). Naps at this point are also dangerous...I am so absolutely tempted to head back to bed at this point, but I need to get in some study hours before taking a snooze. There are note cards to be written, drawings of meiosis to be created, and review notes to write. 

Spring break is next week, and I wish I could do absolutely nothing for the entire week, but I have to put in some work study hours. Fun. I wish we were heading to a coastal destination for some r&r and spa treatments instead!

Anywho, I am off to study for my ginormous bio test and to consume lots of tea and honey. Adieu. 

Back to the grind...

School wasn't horrible today...my sinus infection has now decided to add a bizarre, dry cough to the mix of things. What I find most annoying is trying to sleep with a throat that feels not unlike the summer tundra. I am actually *really* looking forward to getting an uninterrupted, pleasant night's sleep maybe one day next week...maybe? I'm hoping this affliction will have been through with me by then; or perhaps it has more coal to heap upon my brow yet!

My psych exam went swimmingly this morning. Studying over the weekend completely sealed the deal on my big, fat, shiny A that I will be getting back on Monday. Speaking of exams, my next ginormous bio test is WEDNESDAY, over which we have not yet finished lecture. I also need to finish the reading of all 4 chapters that encompass this unit. I also have my second formal lab write up due, a stats quiz, and an in-class essay due in philo on this last day before spring break. What's the freakin deal? This weekend is going to be consumed with studying. I must devise a plan that gets me out of the house to do some off-site studying with minmal distraction. I also have been feeling as though I am operating on auto-pilot in stats lately...ideally I need to redo the last 3 sections of material to solidify the info that I can't seem to bang out.

I am off to grab some Nyquil...perhaps it will ease my transition from annoyed, hormonal, coughing woman into a sleeping nymph of sorts. That's it...my new moniker: The Nyquil Nymph. I am hearting the alliteration. By the by, are you aware that you are required to present a photo ID when purchasing Nyquil? Apparently there are those that *abuse* this Syrup of the Afflicted. I can hardly understand why; are kids that bored these days? Will I soon have to present photo identification to purchase Listerine, as well? 

What a Laugh

So all things did NOT go according to plan yesterday with the whole "making it back to school in time for philosophy." Ha. It is a long story that involves a VERY late bus, running through dicey crosswalks, and smeared eye makeup. Hey, at least I made it back for stats. 

Just got home from a good coffee session @ Pablo's with Mom and Dad. Especially today (post-M&D visit), I feel as though I am abuzz with energy and inspiration...but it could also be partly due to the caffeine from two cups of Peru roast. 

I am finding myself falling into a more comfortable feeling with life in general; I think this comes with age. This comfort is made up of a slow release of things I cannot control, being comfortable with who I am, being aware of my strengths and weaknesses (and finding peace with them), and gratitude for the people in my life. I realize there is so much I want to do in my life, and am coming across an astounding need to slow my horses a bit. I have generally felt that I am constantly seeking that which I can glean from others; be it advice, expertise, approval (boo!), etc. 

Perhaps this is just the experience of growing up...even though my quest for knowledge and perspectives continues, I have a sharper editing tool in which to selectively take it in; to know that everyone DOESN'T have the answers. I especially feel that I have something to share with others, nay, an obligation to share with others. Most specifically I feel like I need to strengthen my contact with my niece. I know how I felt when I was in high school, and I would have loved to have a pipeline to someone older than myself...my sister was much older, and our "sister relationship" a bit detached. This was the fault of no one, just the facts of our situation. Our relationship now is remarkably awesome since we are closer in "life experience." With my niece I feel that I am in a position to encourage and support her...and I need to take more of an active role in doing that. 

ANYWHO...the sinusitis is still ablaze in all its glory, and the postnasal drip continues. I am hoping I will be back in a better health status by the end of the week. Not being able to work out has suppressed my usual stringent food discipline...the one usually polices the other. Not so much for the past week. YIKES. 

I should probably start back on the psych exam studying, since I'll most likely want to have some kind of down time this evening. It may be spring fever or just being ill that has considerably stifled my motivation to study as of late. I find myself REALLY having to push myself to get with the program...it may also be burn out. Taking 14 hours with truly trying subject matter isn't an easy task, that's for sure. Ah well. Onward and upward, ey?