What about blog?

OH GOD, I sincerely hate my life right now. As I said earlier, I had temple today. I don't know if its because I don't have a soul or that I have been inundated my entire life with this shpeal that I am not getting the whole religion thing. I know that there is a being up there, but its FAR FAR FAR from this "personal relationship" that everyone keeps telling me about. Its not there. I've also read the torah and brit back and forth, but I'm still left unmoved. Its no longer special; its redundant. AND THIS SCARES ME.

Growing up where I have ALWAYS been in ministry, ALWAYS been the one trying to set a good example when I don't even know WHAT I believe anymore...its taken its toll.

Perhaps its because I've seen the ugly side all too often. I am fed up with the people that take and take, never give. For 9 years, almost HALF of my life, I have been involved and have been all too aware about what goes on. I have grown cynical. Of people, of beliefs, of practice.

I have yet to find sincerity and peace.