Trouble Sleeping

Back to the blog...almost a year since I've posted. Perhaps a trend here? Anywho...a quick update on life. Duane and I got married. It was truly one of the best and worst days of my life. Honeymoon was a blasty blast, then I came back to work. I think that is where I lost my way. I came back to work and really had nothing to look forward to besides my 26th (ugh) birthday. I didn't feel like hitting the gym for 2+ hours daily, nor did I feel like eating at Subway on a daily basis. I had just spent the past year planning my wedding (every detail--I have the official large and in charge "Wedding Binder" as proof) and losing a lot of weight. My life was almost militaristic in discipline and rote. 

Coming back from the honeymoon into real life felt as if I had been rocketed from earth at ridiculous speed this whole past year of planning and working out, and then was set afloat aimlessly in the atmosphere. I lacked direction, but I was fine with that for a while. It was nice to be able to relax. It was great, if not disorienting, to not have several appointments over the weekend. We could relax. We could sleep in. We could eat!

My 26th birthday in September came and went. I hated work. Well, I was consistently hating work for over a year, but it was PAYING for the wedding. I kept my head down and just moved forward. Then came October 28th, when I was shockingly laid off amongst a dozen or so people. In the past 2+ years of employment by the new housing industry, it was I who had been laid off. I had survived by now what it seemed like a few dozen lay offs, but it was truly my time. 

After it happened I had a bizarre mix of sadness, shock, and happiness. I had numerous discussions in the previous months with Duane about how I could quit my job and go back to school full-time. However, with the economy the way it was/is, I was waiting for a "better" time to pursue my plans. Looks like my dreams had come true, eh? But they hadn't come to fruition on my terms. But then I thought...if they were truly on "my terms," would I really have made it happen? Would I have really gone through with it? Doubtful. 

ANYWHO...so here I am. 2 months post-layoff with a few weeks before school starts in the spring. I took advantage of my paid severance and did some job shadowing and intense research as to what I would pursue. Right now the plan is to take nursing school prerequisites so I can apply for nursing school in November. We'll see where that takes me. 

I'm planning to also travel to Chicago in '09 to take a week improv immersion at Second City. Depending on the summer semester schedule, I'd love to go either in the spring or summer. 

Back to the Gym

This week also marks the beginning of the last leg of my weight loss goal. I have lost over 100 pounds since January of 2007, but I need to finish what I started. My final goal by the end of April is to lose 30-40 pounds. It isn't a matter of having difficulty knowing how to lose the weight (G-d knows I know it inside and out), but actually DOING it. I've been on this path for so long now... just a matter of a few months before it is finished. Duane is also going to be dropping the LB's with me over the next 4 months, which helps. When we're not both on the same page, we seem to be each other's enablers. So here we go.

Play Ball!

Yep. Its the start of the season. The Rockies start their season this Friday here at Coor's Field. Opening day tickets sold out in under 2 hours, so Duane and I have tickets for Saturday's game when all the pennant hulabaloo takes place.

We visited Altos this weekend, which wasn't bad. I would not recommend the lemon olive oil cake which resembled (and tasted) much like a 2-day old lemon muffin that had been left out on the counter. Not cool.

This weekend seemed to last forever. We hiked in Garden of the Gods...which is less like hiking in the great outdoors and more like being a tourist in Disneyland. 30% of the trails we were on were paved. It really is a hodge podge of touristy photo ops and then small glimmers of nature. Just when you think you're in the wilderness you run into a small troop of baby strollers and a family all wearing "Boysn" souvenir hooded sweatshirts. Yikes. Saturday night was spent in Elizabeth with el rents and a Sunday morning full of glorious blueberry pancakes.

I am hoping my 3 hour walk/faux hike on Saturday made up for the fact that I did not enter the gym this weekend. I keep fluctuating with the same 5 pounds over and over again. I hope to really change up the routine this week and drop some LB's like its my job. Because it actually is. This wedding in June is LOOMING. I also have the pressure of having to find my sister and mom a bridesmaid dress this month. Oy.

I have no time during the week after work. From 5-5:40pm I am driving from work to the gym. From 5:40-7:40 I am working out. From 7:40-7:55 I am driving home from the gym. I have from 8:00-10:00 to make dinner, maybe watch a television show, and throw a load of laundry in. My Jeep needs to be CLEANED out, I need to CLEAN OUT my closet, and just get rid of a ton of stuff in general.

I also need to focus my energies on re-starting my photog biz. My client base in Phoenix was nothing to sneeze at, and if I want to escape from cubicle nation, I need to hit it full force.

I am really trying to prioritize here. The weight loss is obviously my numero uno goal. This consists of:
1. Gyming
2. Meal prep
3. Eating consistently
4. Drinking mucho agua

In comparison to many people's issues, I really shouldn't be stressing out. But I literally agonize over everything I eat, "Is this too much? Is it not enough? Could I have made a better choice?" It seriously takes over and consumes my mind ALL.THE.TIME. Its really almost to a point of an obsession that ultimately leads to incredible anxiety.

Do they make Xanax in a form of gum?

If exercise is such a great way to deal with stress, does it still work when the exercise/eating is part of it all?

Dentist appointment tomorrow to remove this plastic molar from my skull and to fill those 2 cavities. Hallelujah. Not cool: making up the 3 hours lost in the dentist chair from being at work in this chair.

Well hello there...
Wow. In 6 days it would have been an entire year since I posted. CRAZAY.

What has been going on? Well, I moved back to Colorado from Arizona as of May 1st, 2007. I had to move in May due to the fact that I wanted to maintain my Colorado residency for escuela. Glory be. Bad news: Duane had to fulfill his year obligation to the company he was working for. So long story short, Duane didn't move back to Colorado until August/September. Needless to say long-distance situations are difficult.

But we made it.

ANNNNND...we are getting hitched in June. I have spent the past 7 months planning this wedding (for reals this time-not kidding. We're talking DEPOSITS HAVE BEEN PLACED, people) and losing weight. I've dropped 40+ pounds since September, which actually sounds kind of lame. 32 of those pounds have been dropped since the end of November. Needless to say I got my butt in gear kind of late in the game.

So right now I am the lightest I have been in my entire adult life. I should be completely excited, but I know I have a ways to go before hitting my goal. April is going to be a key month, as I have all my fittings at the end of May (weddin dress comes in, undergarments have to be ordered, etc. ).

Hmm...oh yes! Going backward a bit, I was in a concentrated comp course over the summer which was a doosey. Never again. It was great to be back in school mode, but I had no time left to think or go to the bathroom.

I am now officially a cat-owner. We rescued Simone (10 month old Tortie longhair mix) from the Dumb Friends League here in Denver in February. She's a good cat, but likes to wake me up at 4:00am by chewing on my bedside lamp. Not cool. Doesn't she know it's from Ikea? Dang, I have to drive like 9 hours one way to get to the nearest one.

My Gram is in town this weekend from Nebraskie, so we'll be a brunchin this weekend. Tonight we're heading down to my rents' place for some Shabbat dinner action. I haven't seen the rentals in a few weeks, so it will be nice to have a mini family reunion.

BAD NEWS: I only worked out 3 days this week! Ugh. I had some serious dental work done on Tuesday (no pumping iron or 80 minute cardio sessions for me), and then yesterday we had a (thrice rescheduled) meeting with our main wedding vendor. Shabbat tonight trumps any voluntary sweating situations. Ah well. This weekend I will hit the gym with a vengeance. I really don't have a choice with a necessary 40 pound weight loss before June looming over my head.

ANYWHO...that's enough updating for now. TGIF, folk.