Friday, June 30, 2006

Nuveo Grunge

Yesterday was a whirlwind of interviews, getting lost, sweating the crap out of my shirt, nearly running out of gas, getting found, melting makeup, and high heel toleration.

Alas, it is Friday.

I should be hearing today if I got the hospital job (prime bennies and the like).

The night before last I couldn't sleep, as it was one of those nights in which life questions take over your whole body. I came to the realization that I live in the "future" 90% of my waking life. I am constantly planning what car I need to be driving, what house should I live in, what career should I stay in, etc. I have a feeling if I keep doing this, my life is going to pass me by quickly, and I'll be stuck wondering where the time went.

A large part of my issue is that I am blessed with a chronic paranoia about EVERYTHING. I worry about money. I worry about clothes. I worry about losing weight. I worry about what I want for lunch, as if it is a decision that is going to impact the rest of my life and my overall success. I think perhaps this time in my life is most delicate: maybe this is what the 20s are all about. We're stuck in this middle ground of "Holy crap, I'm supposed to be an adult now? Whoops. "

Its all rather overwhelming. I feel that I need to be ready for this "adult" life, and am stressing over the details that will send me well on my way in that general direction. I'm scrambling to put together a solid and impressive plan when the reality is that I am tragically ill-prepared.