The Moleskine

So I haven't been the best blogger. I haven't even been the "kinda okay" blogger, either. This past fall I really fell back into documenting my life between the two black leather covers of my dear Moleskins. The fall semester was a monster, and I literally spent every waking spare minute I could studying. The fruits of my labor yielded in a glimmering 4.0 GPA, but my writing took a more private audience.

With a 6 week break between fall and spring semesters, I have a renewed sense of rest and TIME on my hands, so I thought I would start posting once again. I was tempted to start a completely new blog, but this one has some history. I have 2 others, and the former was started in 2001. For some reason I am unable to access that one...something I need to throw some more energy into locating.

News

-I applied to the highly competitive B.S.N. nursing program here in Colorado, and am eagerly awaiting a response that should arrive in March.

-We bought a house, and closed in October. We're still unpacking.

-I turned 27.

-I am back on the work-out train, after this summer/fall yielded some poundage accrual.

-My status as a domestic goddess has increased, due to the fact that I now own Fine Bone China. Who knew I'd be hunting for tablecloths as if it were my destiny?

Summer

I look at my last post from April, and that time comes flooding back; the memories, feelings, and stress of that time. My Grandfather passed away on May 6th. As I write this last sentence, I feel the water rush to my tear ducts, my throat tightens, my mouth gets a rush of saliva, and I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest.

Fast forward to today...the funeral has passed, a spring and summer semester has come to an end. I am sitting in Stella's right now, and I can look through the back window of the shop to see my Grandfather's Wrangler in the back parking lot.

At this point in time I don't feel like writing about the experience just yet. I have journaled privately about the spring...there is going to be a time and place.

On my 3rd day of freedom, I am going to give a quick visit to my parent's at their mobile clinic before my dentist appointment. Tonight we're going to look at a few houses...we'll see what happens! One of them is officially in foreclosure; we stopped by it yesterday to give it a look-see, and there may be some structural issues. However, the house is about 100k under-priced. The interior is in huge need of some updating, but could be an adventure aside from the fact that it is in total suburbia.

3 weeks

3 weeks left of school. So much homework. Don't know how I can do it all, but I know I will make it happen. Death is hanging near...I have no idea how to deal with it. I don't have the words. What do you say? Seeing the transition we all will go through is painful. A snapshot of the future right here and now. I just wish I could hold the ones close to me closer and never have to let go. 

Snow

I was literally stuck in the Fargo-esque elements of this spring time blizzard today for an hour and a half waiting for the 40. It is amazing how our basic human needs come front and center when something is missing from the equation, i.e. SHELTER. 

Spring Break (HA) is nearly over, and I haven't touched homework...save for reading Utopia. I am hoping dearly for a snow day tomorrow. I want to sleep in and watch some ANTM reruns; I may possibly entertain the thought of starting on some homework before the weekend officially arrives. The Sanfords are here to support Grandad in his fight for wellness, so it has made for a busy schedule...trying to pack everything in when days seem to pass in moments. 

Snagged a glorious nap this afternoon that would have EASILY turned into an entire night's sleep if Duane had not stirred me from it. I would certainly say I could have easily slept through the rest of the night with no problem.

Anywho...I'm off to bed after completing the pre-bedtime beauty rituals. Ugh! If only I could simply go to bed and get ready for the day within a few minutes or a half hour's time. I absolutely loathe the time it takes to complete these routines. Perhaps I could shave my head and go without makeup...it would certainly speed things along.

Waking Up is the Hardest Part

Today is a study day and, remarkably, the first day in almost 3 weeks that I have felt better. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I woke up without wanting to hack up a lung--which is a huge improvment. 

Heading out now to Pablos to study...I can't study in the house at this point...too many distractions (i.e. writing this blog post--shame!). Naps at this point are also dangerous...I am so absolutely tempted to head back to bed at this point, but I need to get in some study hours before taking a snooze. There are note cards to be written, drawings of meiosis to be created, and review notes to write. 

Spring break is next week, and I wish I could do absolutely nothing for the entire week, but I have to put in some work study hours. Fun. I wish we were heading to a coastal destination for some r&r and spa treatments instead!

Anywho, I am off to study for my ginormous bio test and to consume lots of tea and honey. Adieu. 

Back to the grind...

School wasn't horrible today...my sinus infection has now decided to add a bizarre, dry cough to the mix of things. What I find most annoying is trying to sleep with a throat that feels not unlike the summer tundra. I am actually *really* looking forward to getting an uninterrupted, pleasant night's sleep maybe one day next week...maybe? I'm hoping this affliction will have been through with me by then; or perhaps it has more coal to heap upon my brow yet!

My psych exam went swimmingly this morning. Studying over the weekend completely sealed the deal on my big, fat, shiny A that I will be getting back on Monday. Speaking of exams, my next ginormous bio test is WEDNESDAY, over which we have not yet finished lecture. I also need to finish the reading of all 4 chapters that encompass this unit. I also have my second formal lab write up due, a stats quiz, and an in-class essay due in philo on this last day before spring break. What's the freakin deal? This weekend is going to be consumed with studying. I must devise a plan that gets me out of the house to do some off-site studying with minmal distraction. I also have been feeling as though I am operating on auto-pilot in stats lately...ideally I need to redo the last 3 sections of material to solidify the info that I can't seem to bang out.

I am off to grab some Nyquil...perhaps it will ease my transition from annoyed, hormonal, coughing woman into a sleeping nymph of sorts. That's it...my new moniker: The Nyquil Nymph. I am hearting the alliteration. By the by, are you aware that you are required to present a photo ID when purchasing Nyquil? Apparently there are those that *abuse* this Syrup of the Afflicted. I can hardly understand why; are kids that bored these days? Will I soon have to present photo identification to purchase Listerine, as well? 

What a Laugh

So all things did NOT go according to plan yesterday with the whole "making it back to school in time for philosophy." Ha. It is a long story that involves a VERY late bus, running through dicey crosswalks, and smeared eye makeup. Hey, at least I made it back for stats. 

Just got home from a good coffee session @ Pablo's with Mom and Dad. Especially today (post-M&D visit), I feel as though I am abuzz with energy and inspiration...but it could also be partly due to the caffeine from two cups of Peru roast. 

I am finding myself falling into a more comfortable feeling with life in general; I think this comes with age. This comfort is made up of a slow release of things I cannot control, being comfortable with who I am, being aware of my strengths and weaknesses (and finding peace with them), and gratitude for the people in my life. I realize there is so much I want to do in my life, and am coming across an astounding need to slow my horses a bit. I have generally felt that I am constantly seeking that which I can glean from others; be it advice, expertise, approval (boo!), etc. 

Perhaps this is just the experience of growing up...even though my quest for knowledge and perspectives continues, I have a sharper editing tool in which to selectively take it in; to know that everyone DOESN'T have the answers. I especially feel that I have something to share with others, nay, an obligation to share with others. Most specifically I feel like I need to strengthen my contact with my niece. I know how I felt when I was in high school, and I would have loved to have a pipeline to someone older than myself...my sister was much older, and our "sister relationship" a bit detached. This was the fault of no one, just the facts of our situation. Our relationship now is remarkably awesome since we are closer in "life experience." With my niece I feel that I am in a position to encourage and support her...and I need to take more of an active role in doing that. 

ANYWHO...the sinusitis is still ablaze in all its glory, and the postnasal drip continues. I am hoping I will be back in a better health status by the end of the week. Not being able to work out has suppressed my usual stringent food discipline...the one usually polices the other. Not so much for the past week. YIKES. 

I should probably start back on the psych exam studying, since I'll most likely want to have some kind of down time this evening. It may be spring fever or just being ill that has considerably stifled my motivation to study as of late. I find myself REALLY having to push myself to get with the program...it may also be burn out. Taking 14 hours with truly trying subject matter isn't an easy task, that's for sure. Ah well. Onward and upward, ey?

Good Decisions

Good decisions oftentimes don't appear at first to be entirely good. The one I made this morning was a good one, but I wasn't sure of it until just now.

Last day in Pysch today before our huge exam on Wednesday. This morning was like HELL getting out of here, thanks to me being freaked out when I am late/sick/awaiting period. Poor Duane. He doesn't have to be at work until 11, but gets me to school by 7:30 or 8:00am on Mondays. Today we left the house at 8:07; right before we left the house I had a nice freak out about the chloroseptic throat spray I wanted to take to class with me for the all day spree, but it was missing the plastic cap. 

ANYWHO... 

My voice is come and go, but I learned this weekend that my throat feels like bloody, raw flash by the end of the day if I talk too much with this sinus and throat sitch I have going on. And it also sounds like rubbish when I try to talk, so it works out on numerous levels. The first thing the professor says is that in psych we are each TEACHING an 8-9 minute session on a various portion of our chapter. Hell to the no. I came to class expecting a review like most others; not when I had to get into GROUPS, of all things, and put together 8-9 minutes of material for the class. Oh, I was certainly prepared to teach. I spent 5 hours yesterday outlining the chapter and making flashcards in anticipation of the exam this Wed. 

The parts of this plan that were not going to jive was 1. Me not talking today and 2. WORKING with groups in that class. Absolutely no one knows what they are doing, nor have they read the appropriate chapters EVER, so I would have been the only person that knew what was going on, and would have to carry the group. Not today, people. No one is getting a free ride on the Andrea train. 

After 10 minutes of hell, I approached the professor and excused myself from class, seeing that my lack of voice today wouldn't make this specific studying exercise effective whatsoever. After I ducked out of class, I headed over to the Tivoli to work on my stats homework that I haven't touched yet. After sitting in the Tivoli for approximately 15 minutes trying to study in the "designated study area," I was forced to listen to a ridiculous conversation between two girls at the table next to mine. Somehow everyone else studying in the area wasn't a clue that this wasn't a "Let's chat about how I need to get my wedding reception deposit back from Crystal Rose because I need money, I don't have a job, and my in-laws can't front me the dough because they work at Wal-Mart" environment. 

After about 30 minutes of contemplation, I decided to head home, eat lunch, take a nap, finish my stats homework, and then head back to class. I am currently in my post-nap time, about to start my stats homework. Hopefully the contents will make much more sense now when I have chicken noodle soup and an orange popscicle in my belly, a half hour of sleep under my belt (damn Daylight Savings!), a hot tea next to me, and the humidifier running at full speed. My Bio lecture starts in 2 minutes, but I can go over meiosis on my own time. I should be back in time to waltz into my Philosophy class in a remarkably more improved state than that of this morning, and pumped to discuss Euthyphro in all his so-called pious glory.

Coma Dreams: An Ode to Cold Medicine

Yes, I am sick. Very sick. This abomination overtook my immune system this past weekend, and I am SUFFERING. I have a cold/sinus infection hybrid of some sort. I am actually a bit embarrased to be ill, as I am quite proud of my solid-as-a-rock immune forces. However, I did have a nearly-all-nighter last week, and I am dearly paying for it. The all-nighter was WORTH IT, as I aced both biology exam and formal biology write-up. So I suppose I made my deal rightly, ey?

ANYWHO...today was better than yesterday dealing with symptoms, as I was able to procure Puffs lovely lotion-ey goodness instead of wiping my nose with CCD sandpaper-esque toilet paper. My nose had quite a hemorrhoidal resemblance last night as a result of the all-day assault of cheap TP. I was able to remedy that look by smearing a thick layer of antibiotic ointment all over my nose before I went to bed and breathing the sweet, sweet mist of moist air from the humidifier Duane set up.

Today I had my work study job in the AM, and was able to pull through thanks to my stock of supplies: Ricola Honey Lemon cough drops, Nature's Way Umcka Cold Care, Emergen-C, heavy duty non-drowsy cold meds, and the usual suspects of orgeno oil and goldenseal.

Coming home I snagged some subway, including a chocolate chip cookie which my body was screaming for, and proceeded to conk out on the futon after watching the DVR-ed first edition of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. It wasn't too bad, but I felt like I was watching some kid nervously try to interview some of his friends using pre-existing inside jokes as sole material. The "Lick it for 10" was juvenile, but fleetingly entertaining for about 30 seconds. On a positive note, I find Jimmy incredibly charming, and I loved the "Slow Jamming the News" bit. The Roots are a great addition to the show. All in all, I think Jimmy is going to improve with each show, and really find his own groove. His nerves I think are part of who he is, but the extra jitters will definitely abate with time and practice. Hell, I'd be so nervous taking over this spot, and Jimmy has made no secret of what big shoes he must fill. I am really looking forward to seeing him gain more confidence and also find really cool ways to appeal to the younger demographic. The webisodes on his blog pre-launch of the show were incredibly promising and refreshingly innovative compared to the antiquated (IMHO) Leno template. I will definitely be watching to see how it all unfolds.

I have two quizzes tomorrow, so I better get crackalackin on studying. Adieu.

Socialize me

This weekend turned into a time of nifty get-togethers. The most notable event took place this evening at Amy's house. It was such a fun night--everyone being genuinely cool and talented...you don't experience this too often. I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time, so it just *felt* great to experience some natural endorphins after weeks upon weeks of intense studying.

Duane and I enjoyed some HQ frozen custard this afternoon...the first time since the custard place reopened in January. Honestly, people...it tasted like victory: sweet, creamy victory with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Post custard, we went frolicking in the deceptively warm looking weather at Cheeseman Park. It was tolerable if you stayed in the sunshine and avoided the shadows. It was fun just to run around and dodge the dog dog poop.

ANYWHO...it is ridiculously late. Must sleep! Tomorrow we'll be devoting the day to studies.

Surprise Snow

Duane and I awoke this morning to crazy snowfall circa 5:45am. Last night's weather report was for some light snow showers/flurries during the afternoon. Incorrect, I say. Duane rushed to get ready, as he would definitely be needing to take public transport to work; he wasn't going to drive in this mess. 

I had plans to be on campus first thing this morning, but the snow changed my agenda. I watched part of the Today show and made some calls. I needed to touch base with Amy/Lana/Nicole to confirm that I could list them for my work study job references. Hoorah for nickels on the hour, but the plus side is the fact that work is around my class schedule. This rules. I'm just so glad and fortunate to have Duane's support through this return to school. In the long run, I know that 3 more years of school will yield YEARS of kick ass financial freedom. With that financial freedom comes comfort, travel, homeownership, and the start of a family. 

Circa 1:30pm I made my way out into the wilderness today. The main roads are wet, but the side roads are in horribly slushy shape. I had to return the wide angle lens I rented for Stacia's photo shoot yesterday, which went swimmingly. There were a few incidents with Charley sans diaper, but after 2 changes of clothes, we were once again looking and smelling fresh. It was so great to have shoot again after SOOO long. These past few months of being laid off and subsequently waiting for school to start have been less than thrilling, so getting back in the game was great fun. Yesterday I really felt invigorated post-shoot. ALSO the 48 degree weather and sunshine driving back up from Castle Rock was SO energizing. Cold weather just DOESN'T suit me. 

Speaking of fresh, I ran to get some groceries and grabbed some single-serving coffee "tea bags" of sorts. I've been jonesing for coffee lately, and I really don't need to be going to Starbucks to get it. Not only am I wasting the paper cup, I am spending at least $1.00 more than I have to for some coffee. I KNOW I own a coffee maker; my mom bought me one for my dorm days. Alas, I believe that sucker may be hanging out in Mom and Dad's basement or perhaps in Mom's office. EH. Anyway, the fact is that I don't want to buy a new coffeemaker when I KNOW I have one. These single serving doo dads should do the trick for the interim. 

With the new tight budget and back to eating incredibly healthy, this combination has made grocery shopping quite the task. It takes TWICE the planning to create meals that aren't boring, but are sure to contain ingredients that are on sale. This makes for a lot of "improv" meal planning while in the store. 

I certainly feel more lucid mentally since starting back last week, but my body really needs to catch up. Post-Yoga and Hip Hop last week, I could BARELY raise my shoulders without screaming in pain. Duane totally hooked me up with some mega therapeutic massage and I became best friends once again with Aspercreme. Hopefully I can get back to class tomorrow with some better weather. I am so grateful for the small gym we have in our apartment, but I am so over the treadmill and elliptical. Taking classes at the 24Hour Fitness locations really helps to mix it up.

Anywho...Duane should be home soon, and we are hitting the gym. I am gonna suit up!